Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Finding the Other Side of Fear

This is my last week of Jillian Michael's Body Revolution - Phase 2 and I don't know whether to feel excited and a sense of accomplishment over this, or to be completely terrified and fear for my life over what's to come. I've been reading people's comments regarding weeks 9&10 on the JMBR Facebook page, and I'm beginning to think I'd rather come face to face with a jellyfish than to move on to phase 3. If you know my fear of jellyfish, than you understand just how concerning this is.

With statistics like this, I don't understand why everyone is not terrified of jellyfish. I'll pet a shark before I walk barefoot at the beach. Darn washed up jellyfish. 

Here's a little taste of what I just read:

"Holy Moley! Workouts 9 & 10 are NO JOKE! dripping in sweat! Oh geez!"

"9&10 are the toughest in my humble opinion..."

"I'm on workouts 9&10 as well. They are really difficult compared to other previous workouts."

"Started 9/10 yesterday. Oh my God! I am in pain."

I feel ya, Elena. I'm in pain just reading about it. Then there is talk of near-impossible "wheel house push-ups" on disc 12? What the...??? I don't even want to know... 

My ridiculous fear of  jellyfish JMBR Phase 3 has got me really thinking about what other fears I have for my journey, and I've realized that I have a lot.

* I'm terrified of never being comfortable in my own skin. Terrified of never being satisfied with where I'm at now.
* Loose skin and stretch marks. Don't get me wrong, Wyatt was worth every bit of it, but I'm legitimately worried about my poor tummy never looking even semi "ok". I'm worried about how my c-section might affect how much I'm able to tighten my mid section. And a part of me feels guilty for even caring about this, but I do. I realize that I need to come to terms with it, accept it, and be proud of it no matter how it works out in the end. 
* Maintenance. I failed at this in the past. What if I lose the weight again just to put it all back on again? I'm excited to reach that point, but also feel a lot of anxiety for when that time comes. 
* I fear losing myself, and yet I also fear not being able to find myself. (Yup, she's psycho)
* I worry about how my weight loss might affect my relationships with the people in my life. 
* I'm scared that I'll never find the confidence I've craved and wished I had.
* A more immediate fear: I'm scared that when I take my Phase 2 Completion pictures/measurements this weekend that there will be no change. I want to be able to see my hard work paying off. 

These are all fears I'm going to have to face and overcome. Some,  I may just have to accept. But that's all part of growing and reaching a healthier place - both physically and mentally. Fixing the outside will only be temporary if I don't work on repairing the inside.

I've mentioned this in the past, but I haven't even looked at my own "before" pictures. (Well, mid-way pictures. I didn't take real befores). I snapped them and have yet to look back and see myself. I'm excited yet dreading being able to compare them in just a few days. I've been too embarrassed to post any on the blog yet, but I promise I will put progress pics up on Monday. (Eeek! It's out there now, so I have to do it).

Anyone else have strange, psychotic fears of any kind? 


  1. Jack Canfield is my favorite author. I'm glad you quote him here. BTW, I've nominated you for Liebster Award. I'd like to hear what you think. Have a great week.



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