Rekindling the Fire

Any time you embark upon a new adventure or challenge, you tend to have a one track mind. You see what you want, and nothing is going to stop you from getting there. This tunnel vision is great motivation. You're focused. You're determined. You.Will.Succeed.

When running a sprint, that's enough to get you to the finish line. There's no time for distractions. Before you know it, you've ran right through that ribbon. The crowd cheers and you feel a sense of accomplishment.

But, what about a marathon? You train for months on end, leading up to the big day. You're ready to put your hard work to the test. The morning of the race, you are a big bundle of energy and nerves. The crowds of people excite you further and you're thinking, "I can do this. I will do this. This is it." You have that tunnel vision, again. You can see the finish line in your mind and you will get there.

 Unlike a sprint, a marathon isn't over in the blink of an eye. As time clicks away and the mile signs pass behind you, you're getting more and more fatigued. There are aches and pains you've probably never felt before. The mind starts to take over and tries to tell you that you can't do this. It's too much. You made it 20 miles, that's good enough, right? Why not just stop now? That tunnel vision you had in the beginning starts to fade.

Many do stop. Many do decide that however far they made it was good enough and an accomplishment in itself. And it is, really. Any mileage is better than none. But, what if you had pushed through? What if you took control of that negative mindset and made it across that finish line?

I started my journey with that tunnel vision. My determination was strong and I was seeing great success. Overall, I didn't struggle to eat healthy. I was continually inspired by other bloggers and my favorite, Pinterest. I felt better than I had in years.

20 lb difference

By July, I'd reached a plateau and frustration set in. I have tried switching things up countless times in the months since. Each time thinking, this is it! This is going to work this time. I get the fire back, and then there's no change. The frustration sets in... again. And round and round I go. Each time my new plan doesn't work out, I give up for a week or so. Of course, this sets me back even further. It's a viscous cycle that I just can't seem to break.

When I hit the 25 lb mark, my mentality shifted. I was feeling great. My confidence was slowly coming back. People were noticing my weight loss and complimenting me while out and about. When I lost weight in the past, these are the kind of things that kept me pushing forward. This time, it made me feel comfortable. I can splurge a little on my foods, right? Skipping a week's worth of workouts is no big deal. I've made it this far, I deserve a little break. That's what I tried to tell myself. Repeatedly.

Where has it gotten me?

Gaining and losing the same 4 pounds for nearly 4 months. At no fault but my own. Honestly, I am angry at myself. But it's an anger I needed to feel. Essentially, I hit a rough patch and I gave up. Sure, I continued to work out some and make healthy choices, but there were far too many unhealthy choices mixed in.

With my birthday approaching, I have been looking back at the past year a lot these past couple of days. It's something I always do this time of year. I evaluate my life. What did I do well this year? What do I want to change? The reflection is something I really needed at this point in my life. I'm excited for whats to come. For my health, my family, my career, my blog and everything in between. Change is brewing, and I'm ready for it.