NSV - Fear of Failure

I fear failure. More times than I'd care to admit, this fear holds me back from trying many things and getting out of my "comfort zone." I've been a "runner" off and on for years and was active in high school sports back in the day, but I have never participated in an actual race. I feared being last. I feared what people would think of me. I was just plain terrified to disappoint myself.

A couple months ago I made a goal to push myself, in all areas of life. From trying new things in my workouts and overcoming the mental hurdle that happens. To being a more active, present mother. A better boss and employee. As well as make a bigger effort in social situations. (I'm a bit of an introvert, so this hasn't been easy for me.)

When I heard about the Super Hero 5K, and it just happened to fall on a weekend I would have help with Wyatt, I knew I had to jump that hurdle and run my first official race. Then I got sick. And the sickness lingered (still not 100% over it). The deadline was approaching for pre-registration and my form and check were still sitting on my table. I hadn't sent it in, because I just knew that 2 weeks of junk food and lack of workouts were taking their toll and I wouldn't be at my best the day of the 5K. There's no way I can run that race if I'm not going to be at my best. See, there's that old way of thinking creeping again. But, with a near panic attack, I dropped my registration off at the post office and there was no going back. I accepted that it wouldn't be a PR. I accepted that I might have to take some walking breaks and decided I was ok with that.

That acceptance didn't mean I was just going to lay around for 2 weeks, though. I got out there and did everything I could. Not expecting some magical time, just so I could say "I did my best." I made a goal of under 31 minutes for Saturday (which I've only ever done once.) Last night was my last opportunity to run without my 35 lb running buddy and jogging stroller before my upcoming race. My goal for last night was to take zero walking breaks. With the way my times have been the past 2 weeks, I figured it would be around 33 minutes.

Whaaaat? Where did that come from!? I am still in shock. It just goes to show that hard work really does pay off, and a setback doesn't mean that all is lost. 

Clearly, this means a new goal is required for Saturday. I'm a bit nervous to put my new goal of "under 30 minutes" out there, but I'm all about pushing myself these days. So there it is. I hope to run a 29 minute something 5K (even if that means 29.59). Eeekkk.