Finding the Other Side of Fear

This is my last week of Jillian Michael's Body Revolution - Phase 2 and I don't know whether to feel excited and a sense of accomplishment over this, or to be completely terrified and fear for my life over what's to come. I've been reading people's comments regarding weeks 9&10 on the JMBR Facebook page, and I'm beginning to think I'd rather come face to face with a jellyfish than to move on to phase 3. If you know my fear of jellyfish, than you understand just how concerning this is.

With statistics like this, I don't understand why everyone is not terrified of jellyfish. I'll pet a shark before I walk barefoot at the beach. Darn washed up jellyfish. 

Here's a little taste of what I just read:

"Holy Moley! Workouts 9 & 10 are NO JOKE! dripping in sweat! Oh geez!"

-Laura

"9&10 are the toughest in my humble opinion..."

-Pat

"I'm on workouts 9&10 as well. They are really difficult compared to other previous workouts."

-Cherae 

"Started 9/10 yesterday. Oh my God! I am in pain."

-Elena

I feel ya, Elena. I'm in pain just reading about it. Then there is talk of near-impossible "wheel house push-ups" on disc 12? What the...??? I don't even want to know... 

My ridiculous fear of  jellyfish JMBR Phase 3 has got me really thinking about what other fears I have for my journey, and I've realized that I have a lot.

* I'm terrified of never being comfortable in my own skin. Terrified of never being satisfied with where I'm at now.

* Loose skin and stretch marks. Don't get me wrong, Wyatt was worth every bit of it, but I'm legitimately worried about my poor tummy never looking even semi "ok". I'm worried about how my c-section might affect how much I'm able to tighten my mid section. And a part of me feels guilty for even caring about this, but I do. I realize that I need to come to terms with it, accept it, and be proud of it no matter how it works out in the end. 

* Maintenance. I failed at this in the past. What if I lose the weight again just to put it all back on again? I'm excited to reach that point, but also feel a lot of anxiety for when that time comes. 

* I fear losing myself, and yet I also fear not being able to find myself. (Yup, she's psycho)

* I worry about how my weight loss might affect my relationships with the people in my life. 

* I'm scared that I'll never find the confidence I've craved and wished I had.

* A more immediate fear: I'm scared that when I take my Phase 2 Completion pictures/measurements this weekend that there will be no change. I want to be able to see my hard work paying off. 

These are all fears I'm going to have to face and overcome. Some,  I may just have to accept. But that's all part of growing and reaching a healthier place - both physically and mentally. Fixing the outside will only be temporary if I don't work on repairing the inside.

I've mentioned this in the past, but I haven't even looked at my own "before" pictures. (Well, mid-way pictures. I didn't take real befores). I snapped them and have yet to look back and see myself. I'm excited yet dreading being able to compare them in just a few days. I've been too embarrassed to post any on the blog yet, but I promise I will put progress pics up on Monday. (Eeek! It's out there now, so I have to do it).

Anyone else have strange, psychotic fears of any kind? 

Motivation Monday + Weekly Goals = Goodbye Scale

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Ours was really nice. We went on a little trip and I still managed to get a couple runs in, along with a nice sunburn.

One of my goals last week was to not weigh-in for two weeks, which will be the end of Phase 2. Basically, I suck at goals and I weighed-in several days... sometimes several times a day. I did not like what I saw, just like I knew I wouldn't. Our little vaca last month was disastrous for my weight loss. I did lose at least 4 pounds last week, but I still have 3 more to go before I'm at my "pre-vaca weight". Eeeek!

 So in times past, I would have seen that number and thought, the heck with it. I would have got myself a Winger's Sticky Finger Quesadilla, some Dr. Pepper, a pound of chocolate and had at it. "I've already failed, what's the point?" Not this time.

Instead of getting a Winger's Sticky Finger Quesadilla, (which by the way is the greatest 2500 calories you would have ever put in your mouth. And it's possible I used to eat 2 of them in one sitting), I tracked my food and didn't miss a single workout. In fact, I got a couple extra workouts in including some runs.

Saturday's Run 

Sunday is my rest day, so I took a casual "jog/walk" along the river after we got back to town. It was so peaceful - and hot. 

I also discovered this over the weekend...

My muscles are coming back in my legs! I never thought that would happen again. My weight may not be where I wish it was at the moment, but I'm starting to see a lot of changes in my body as I come to the end of Phase 2.

As for that pesky scale...

It has a new resting place for the week: upstairs, in the garage, on a high shelf. I can get it if I really wanted it of course, but this way, I'm going to have plenty of time over the process of trying to get it down to re-think things. I will bring it back down next Sunday so I can track the end of Phase 2, start of Phase 3. Until then, good riddance! 

My goals this week are similar:

1. Track food.

2. Do not weigh in until Sunday.

3. Finish JMBR Phase 2

5 on Friday!

Today, I'm linking up with these lovely ladies for 5 on Friday!

ONE: We went to a tball game earlier this week and had a great time with friends. Wyatt was completely into the game and kept trying to sneak into the dugouts to join in the fun! It was too stinkin' cute. (Fingers crossed for a future baseball player).

TWO: I had an awesome (for me) run on Wednesday and I'm still so excited about it. Granted, by most standards, this was not far (nor was it fast), but it was a PR for me. I plan to get a couple runs in this weekend too!

THREE: I made one of my favorite dinners last night. LOVE this spaghetti squash bake. You can find the recipe HERE. It's only 208 Calories a serving! We make this often. It's one way I can get my picky two-year-old to eat his veggies.

FOUR: Summer has finally decided to come to Wyoming. 

FIVE: We are going on a short over-night trip this weekend to watch my little brother play in the Wyoming Shrine Bowl. In short, every year in the State of Wyoming, a committee picks the "best of the best" graduating football players to participate in a Shrine Bowl football game (North against the South) and all proceeds from the week go straight to Shriner's Hospital. Such an awesome event every year. They went to Salt Lake City, UT Shriner's Hospital earlier in the week to visit the kids there. It will be so much fun to watch him play one last time and participate in such a wonderful cause.

  My little brother is on the far right - visiting the kids at the hospital. 

Happy Friday!

Non-Scale Victories & Changes

When I first decided to start a blog, I didn't know exactly what I wanted from it. I wasn't completely positive what my goals were with my fitness and healthy lifestyle. Quite honestly, I didn't think I'd stick with it. For this reason, I chose a generic blog name; According to Tiffany was born. Boring. And had/has nothing to do with what my blog will, more than likely, be about.

While I know I'm going to have slips here and there, I am fully committed to my new lifestyle. In fact, fitness is becoming a real passion of  mine and I'm beginning to form new goals on what I want to do and where I want to be in life as a result. This required a change in my blog. I had decided on a name a few days ago, and on a whim decided to switch my URL over today before it got snatched up or something. In doing this, I lost all of my Bloglovin' followers!! Oh no! I hope you all find me again! I've loved getting to chat with some of you and may have to hunt you down and beg you to come back. If you aren't already following me on Bloglovin', you should.

 1. Why not? At the very least, I'm an awesome artist.

 2. Word on the street is GFC is going bye-bye the end of the month!

So, without further a-do... same blog, different name. I am now "The Fit Train", also known as Tiffany. I'm hoping to have everything up and going by Monday, we will see! 

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On to NSV's for the week. Once again, it's a run! Yesterday was National Running Day, so naturally I had to run. Wednesday nights are the only guaranteed night I can run, so it worked out perfectly. 

My dadburn app quit on me before I actually stopped running! I was not a happy camper with Runtastic last night. I ran 3.1 miles in roughly 33/34 minutes (give or take). This is only my third or fourth run since starting this journey, and the farthest I've ran yet. This made me a happy camper! I just wish I could see it in black and white! UGH! Oh well...

I'm also back on track with JMBR and my eating. I even managed to keep my arms up during the entire disc 8-circuit 3 and lived to tell about it.

And last but not least, I made it to a new notch in my belt so woohoo for that!

National Running Day

Today is National Running Day, who knew? What better excuse than to lace up my running shoes and hit the pavement tonight! Rain or shine - I'll be out there. 

Their "I Run..." signs that have been circulating around the past few days really got me thinking. Why do I run? Why am I working out? Why am I changing my lifestyle? I want to look good and wear cute things, sure, but beyond that...

1. My future. Or more importantly, my son's future. 

2. To gain confidence I've never had.

3. My health. I have an auto-immune disease, which means I get sick very easily. Sitting on the couch and eating junk does not help the situation.

4. So I'm not sitting on the sidelines. This past weekend I spent an entire afternoon chasing Wyatt in the backyard. I couldn't have done that two months ago.

5. So Wyatt can be proud of me as he grows up, not ashamed.

6. To be strong and fit. I have no desire to be "skinny." I want to be fit and athletic.

7. To set an example.

8. To be a part of such an amazing community of people with similar goals, lifestyles and struggles

9. To feel good about myself and be happy with who I am.

10. Because at the end of the day, I enjoy it. There are many days I struggle to find the motivation, but I'm miserable when I miss a workout. I feel awful the second I put something unhealthy in my mouth. When I'm working out consistently and eating what my body needs, I feel empowered. I feel ready to take on the world.

Happy National Running Day. Lace 'um up and get out there! 

Stuffed Bell Peppers

I made the most delicious stuffed peppers this weekend. There were a few green peppers that needed to be used in the fridge, so I threw some things together for a filling. It turned out pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

Stuffed Peppers

4-5 Peppers ( I only had 3 peppers, but there was enough filling for more)

1/2 lb lean ground beef

1 can fire roasted tomatoes

Chopped onion

Corn

1 cup instant brown rice

1/2 cup water

1/2-3/4 cup Greek yogurt

Brown meat with diced onion. Drain any fat and add tomatoes and corn. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes. Add brown rice and water. Cover and remove from heat. Leave covered for 10 minutes. Mix in greek yogurt. Fill peppers and put in 350 degree oven. 

Bake for 20-30 minutes. Sprinkle mozzarella over top and put back in oven until melted. 

Approximately 288 calories per pepper. 

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I've also added a "Recipes" tab at the top with a couple others. I'll be adding more soon! 

I should specify that I don't eat "clean" in the way that many define that term. Clean eating for me is staying clear of as much processed, pre-packaged food as possible.  I'm trying to only eat foods that have real nutritional value, with an occasional treat or splurge from time to time. I don't believe in fully depriving yourself. If I tried to eat only healthy foods, no junk what-so-ever, I would go off the deep end and it wouldn't be pretty. Great for people that can do that; however, I am not one of them!

Typically, for breakfast, I try to eat protein and high fiber food. Usually oatmeal, eggs, fruit. Something like that. Lunch is almost always a big salad with a side of fruit. I use salsa instead of dressing since it has less calories and more nutritional value. Dinner is a variety of  things and usually my bigger meal since Wyatt and I sit down together. 

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In Wyatt news, we have had a tragic accident. 

Wyatt thought Woody would like to go swimming, unfortunately he was unaware that Woody has an unfortunate water allergy. Sadly, he is no longer ticklish and whether or not he will keep his voice remains to be seen. #prayforwoody

JMBR Disc 8 - Is She Serious?

Hope everyone had a great weekend! 

This weekend was really great for me. I got back to my workouts and eating clean and I feel great again. Speaking of my workouts, I should have been moving on to Phase 3 of JMBR today. But I'm not. I haven't been able to give weeks 7 & 8 my full effort. My workouts have been sporadic, and my eating has been horrible. I want my progress and before/afters to truly reflect what the program can do, and I haven't been following it as I should the past two weeks. So, I am re-doing them. 

Speaking of weeks 7 & 8, can we talk about disc 8 for a second? Oh.my.gosh. First off, butt kicks WHILE doing weighted bicep curls? Is this a joke? Secondly, Circuit 3 would fall under the cruel and unusual punishment category. You start in a deep crescent position and do rear delt flies. I have no way to take pictures of myself doing this, so it looks something like this... 

Clearly, a little imagination will be necessary here. Then, you go straight into warrior 3, WITH the weights. 

And you hold that position for an eternity while your shoulders are completely on fire. Once you're near death, you repeat both sets on the opposite leg!  Then, about the time you 're ready to curl up on the floor in a little ball and cry, it's time for a whole minute rock star jumps! Oh, goody! You think you're finally done with this circuit of torture, when Jillian reminds you that you get to repeat the entire thing all over again. Thanks, Jill! At one point during the circuit, she says something completely asinine to the effect of "this may be the hardest circuit in weeks 7 & 8." Really, Jill? Really? I think we've figured that out by now. 

Lets just say, my hate of Jillian is far out weighing the love at the moment. It's possible I spend the entire time in warrior 3 telling her how much I hate her. 

Now for...

1. Do not weigh-in. I want to take a two week break from the scale.

2. Back to tracking food on MFP

3. Get a few runs in for extra cardio.

And of course, it's Monday so...

I was out of town for last week's Motivation Monday, so you can find the post I would have shared HERE about a breakthrough run I had.