Real Talk

All this down time from the blog (and consistent workouts and healthy eats) gives one a lot of thinking time.

Real Talk: I've been really struggling to get back my motivation and determination. These past few months have been challenging in so many ways. I had a "me" day for the first time in several months on Sunday. Brad took Wyatt to Cheyenne to see Nanny and Poppie and get some golfing in. Normally, I tag along for these weekends. I love spending time with my family, more than anything else in the world. But as much as I wanted to go, I knew that I needed some time to myself even more. So, I stayed home. I ran 3.15 solo miles along the greenbelt for the first time this summer. I soaked in the sun, the view of the river and the wildlife. Once home, I scrubbed every inch of the house. I threw bags of clutter and old toys away. Completed load upon load of laundry (even folded and put a way - huge plus). Then, I threw in a T25 workout giving me nearly 1200 calories burned just in my workouts for the day.

I'd finally completed everything on my "me day" to-do list and it was only 3pm. I had a couple hours to kill before the boys got home so I decided to watch some Netflix. I'd watched one full episode (Desperate Housewives never gets old) on my laptop, sitting in bed before it hit me - I have a TV. I have a TV in my living room (actually, a fairly new TV I just got a couple months ago) and I have never, not once, sat on the couch and watched what I wanted to watch. I was home alone, sitting in bed watching a show on my laptop. Seriously, forgot I had a TV... So, if that doesn't explain how badly I needed a few hours to myself, I don't know what would.

Anyways, the reason I'm sharing this seemingly pointless story, is in that moment that I realized I had forgotten I had a TV and a couch, I also realized I'd forgotten something else that should be somewhere on my priority list: myself. 

As women, and especially mothers, we are genetically made to be caregivers. We put our children above all else. We care for our husbands/significant others. As career women, we work hard to succeed and earn our place in the workplace. All these things are important. But, sometimes we forget ourselves in the craziness. At least, I know I do. And often.

I have a plan in the works that I hope to be sharing by the end of the week. I hope you guys will join in with me when I have everything together. I'm still trying to sort through my thoughts on the subject, so stay tuned for that.

Back on topic, the first area that I need to make a priority is my health. I need to get my mindset back to where it was this time last year. I need to re-lose the weight and find the passion I've lost recently. I thought a lot about what has changed from then and now. What was keeping me motivated then, that I don't have now? The biggest thing that's come to mind is an actual program. With a start and end date. I started my journey doing Jillian Michael's Body Revolution. I'm stubborn to a fault at times. Knowing it was a 90 day program kept me on point. I wanted to prove to myself that I could have amazing results by the end of the program. With that in mind, I've decided to finally completed T25 start to finish. It's roughly a 60 day program (Alpha Phase and Beta phase).

Tonight starts day 1 - and I am ready! I haven't weighed myself in weeks, possibly months - I don't know for sure. I know that it's probably going to be the worst number I've ever seen and I've dreaded that moment. But, by putting it off, it gives me the "I can start tomorrow" mentality. No more. That ends today. I'm digging the scale back out tonight for a morning weigh-in and will also track my measurements through the next 60 days. I'm a person that needs accountability to stay on track, so I'll be sharing everything here on the blog once again.

The first step is making a plan - and I've at least got that part down. Here's to big changes!

Happy Birthday Dakota!

It's hard to believe that it's already been 10 months since my life was changed forever when I was partnered with Dakota as my running buddy. We've had a lot of ups and downs together in that short time. I think of Dakota with every step I take. With every dumbbell I lift.

Before Dakota, I never once considered my ability to run as a gift. I took so many things for granted on a day to day basis. More often than not, I'd dread my workouts or try to find some excuse to skip them. I'd complain about the littlest things and had far too much negativity in my life. There are still days like that (hello, humanity). It feels as though Dakota has a sixth sense for when I'm having one of those days. Every time I decide to skip that nights workout, a notification pops up that I have a message from Dakota. That's all it takes to lace up my shoes and get to work. I love him for it! I'm not longer working out just for my sanity or just for my health. I'm working out for someone who can't do the work himself. It's a beautiful thing.

Yesterday was Dakota's 18th birthday! I would have given anything to be able to spend time with him on his special day, but those pesky 1400-1500 miles between us prevented that from happening. So, I decided we could still 'celebrate' with him here in Wyoming and share our celebrations with him throughout the day.

First on the list, was to send Dakota a birthday balloon. I'd had this day planned for a couple weeks and was so disappointed when we woke up to a complete downpour. It was still raining at lunch when I ran to the store to pick up the balloon and figured I would just hang on to it and keep my finger's crossed that it would let up long enough to release it. As soon as I walked out, balloon in hand, the rain stopped and the sun started to peak through the clouds. Fate! Maybe if we're lucky, it will find it's way to Georgia.

After work, was a special 18th birthday run and workout!

And, it wouldn't be a birthday without cake! Wyatt did the honors of blowing out the candles for Dakota. I hope it was as special a day for Dakota as it was for me. I think of him daily, but celebrating him all day yesterday really left my heart so full. 

Summer Time

Hey, hey! Remember me? It's been one crazy summer 'round these parts. We've done so many fun things, some not so fun, and many more exciting memories to come. I could really break up the past couple months into several blog posts, but I think I'll just catch up through pictures and move along...

We took Wyatt on a 3 day camping trip to the Sierra Madres about a month ago. No cell service = an amazing weekend in my book! We got some hiking in and saw plenty of deer and elk.

Weekends have been filled with golf for most of the summer. We usually go over to Cheyenne with Brad's family and hit the course. I am not a golfer, although I'd like to be. I mainly go along for the ride and to chase Wyatt around.

Brad got a hole in one over the 4th of July weekend. Pretty exciting, but I don't think he will ever stop talking about it.

The big event took place last Thursday (also, the not-so-fun part of the summer). Wyatt had surgery to remove his adenoids and get tubes put in his ears. I'm not stranger to surgeries, I've had 5 myself. But, it's a whole other ballgame when it's your kiddo. I know it's a basic, common, out patient surgery yadda yadda. But, it's no walk in the park to turn your child over to strangers - especially when he's too young to understand.

Luckily, everything went amazingly well. His adenoids were extremely large, which is probably the cause of all his reoccurring ear and sinus infections. The doctor said he is probably breathing better than he ever has. The hope is that Wyatt will now be able to fight infections better and hopefully not be sick all the time. Which, should also help this mama that doesn't have much of an immune system. He was back to his crazy self by Sunday, and things can only look up from here!

I've been slowly getting back into the workouts. If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen some of what I've been up to.

Now, to just get food back in check and get things rollin' again! Right now, I've been doing a mixture of workout dvd's, my own workouts and runs. I'm working on choosing a program or challenge and making a plan for myself. I hope to have whatever it may be up on the blog Monday.

Most importantly, it's Dakota's 18th birthday today!

Obviously tonight's workout will be a run for him. Rain, shine, or thunder... I'll be hitting the pavement!

That Time I Thought I Might Become a Missing Person

Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration... 

Every.single.muscle... and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it. 

My workouts and runs are what keep me sane. Take those away from me, and I become an emotional, moody mess. In other words, I feel bad for all my loved ones that have had to deal with me these past several months. I'm not 100% yet, and won't be for some time, but I'm well on my way and ready to make the second half of 2014 amazing.

I did an hour long full body workout on Tuesday. As a result, I can feel the soreness in my triceps when I pick up a pen. Pathetic, yet so awesome. I burnt over 600 calories, worked up a sweat and felt on top of the world.

While Wyatt was at Brad's last night, I decided to go for a run. I have a lot of miles to make up for Dakota! Before I continue on with this story, let me back track to some local events this week:

I live in Wyoming. Technically, all towns are small here in comparison to what most of you are used to. I grew up in a town of 2,500 people. Where I live now has a population of 33,000 (not counting the University). So, overall, still not a big place. Living in a place where it feels like everyone knows everyone, it's easy to be a little too relaxed. Sure, I lock my car doors and lock up the house at night. But, other than that, safety just hasn't ever been a big concern to me.

With all that said, back to the story. On social media this week, I've seen posts from local friends warning about "salesman" in town claiming to sell cleaner for "inner city kids". Stories have ranged from them pushing through the door way to get into the house after being told they weren't interested. Refusing to leave properties. Getting upset when asked to leave etc... One friend of mine had told them she wasn't interested at her home yesterday morning, that afternoon, they pulled up next to her at an intersection to ask if she'd changed her mind and tried to get her to pull into a parking lot. Another's husband had to pull a gun to get them to leave their house. Police had been notified of these guys, and had spoken to them earlier in the week. 

Even with all that going on, I really didn't give my going for a run a second thought. I was about a mile from Brad's house, in a quiet residential neighborhood, enjoying my run with some Carry On My Wayward Son motivating me on my Ipod. I came to an intersection and stopped as there was a white, unmarked, van coming down the street. He stopped and waved me to cross. As I started to cross the street, he gunned it and parked right in my path. 

I could see him trying to say something to me, so I took my earphones out. He asked me if I'd seen his buddy selling cleaner in the neighborhood. I told him I hadn't and tried to continue on my run. He inched forward blocking my path and asked if I'd be interested in their product. I told him I was trying to run and wasn't interested, tried to get past and he inched forward again. At this point, I was getting pissed off, and a little freaked out. He continued to inch forward every time I tried to get passed him. I noticed a cop car parked at a house about a block ahead. I turned, made a big loop behind him, sprinted to the cop's house and pretended to tie my shoes for a bit until the guy in the creepy van had moved on. 

I'm sure the guy was probably harmless, but the whole situation just gave me a really bad feeling. My original plan was to get at least 3 miles in. Instead, I made it to some busier streets and made my way back to Brad's. 

I'm a firm believer in not living your life in fear. Bad things happen - some unavoidable. You just go out there and live your life. If something happens, it happens. That's just my mentality. The incident last night hasn't discouraged me from continuing to run. Nothing will get in the way of that. But, it did shake me up enough to research some different options for protection while running. I haven't decided what route I'm going to take in that department just yet, but I will start carrying some type of protection with me for solo runs.

Moral of the story: be safe out there. Stay aware on your runs... or walks... or bike rides. Always have a plan in mind and be prepared.

Friday!!

This pretty much sums up how I feel about today. Hello Friday!!!

The past month has been incredibly stressful, busy and insane in the office. Often, I embrace the craziness at work. It keeps things interesting and challenging. Dealing with all of that while being the sickest I've been in my life has been, well, interesting. But, I've been managing through it. Somehow I've gotten through all this without a day off and managing to slowly get things checked off the never-ending list. 

Tomorrow we are taking Wyatt to his very first movie theater experience: Dragons 2. I've been wherry about taking him to the movies because he's just so busy and tends to get spooked by loud, unexpected noises still. But, he has become fascinated by dinosaurs and dragons in the past few weeks and I think he is going to love it. We'll just keep our fingers crossed that it's not an epic disaster...

Brad was gone last weekend, so we are celebrating Father's Day tomorrow. He's requested homemade lasagna for dinner and I can't wait to have a real meal! Sunday might include a golf trip in Cheyenne. More than anything, I'm just grateful that I'm slowly feeling well enough to be able to participate in these things with my family again. 

Earlier this week, my infection spread to my eyes and ears. It was an ugly sight. I looked high as a kite with blood coming out of my ears at unexpected times. Great visual, right? Another trip to the ENT resulted in some oral antibiotics to treat all that mess. I'm back on prednisone and levaquin and it's beginning to clear up. It will be another 3 months of the topical antibiotics before I'm fully back on my feet - then it's on to the allergist. 

Earlier this week, my boss came up front and demanded I pick a day or two to take off. I'm pretty sure he's been thinking I'm going to kill over at my desk at any moment. So, I wasn't going to decline the offer. Next weekend, we are going to take Wyatt on a 3 day camping trip. There are not words to express my excitement! Anyone that's read here for long know's my heart is in the outdoors and a few days with no cell service or distractions will be a big plus. 

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It's been weeks and weeks since I've updated on the "Fit Train". Mainly, that's because it's been non-existent. I'm ashamed to admit there have been many tears shed in this past month over self doubt, embarrassment and disgust with my appearance and lack of confidence. Could I have handled things better? probably. But, I feel like a lot of the happenings in these past several months have been out of my control. 

Particularly in the past month, I've just been making it through the motions. I get up in the morning and manage to get showered and dressed before work (some days). Get Wyatt to daycare, make it through work and by the time I get home, I've felt too awful for anything. Meals have either been take out or brought to us from friends and family. Physically, I haven't been well enough to cook much of anything. Food is and always has been my biggest struggle and having choices taken away hasn't been good. Add on steroids to that, and it's just.... no words.

As far as workouts go, I have another week or so before I can try any type of workout that can raise my heart rate. By next week, I hope that I will be able to get some walks and arm workouts in. Then, after our camping trip, I hope that I'll be able to fully get into the swing of things.

I've debated continuing the blog. It's seemed like an impossible task as of late. But, I love the blogging community and I need the accountability. It could be a few weeks before I'm up to posting regularly, but I will be back!

  

Wyatt's Totally Radical TMNT Birthday

 Wyatt turned 3 on May 29th and I'm finally getting around to sharing his birthday party. Better late than never, right?

Our live's have revolved around Ninja Turtles since about Christmas time, so I knew that would have to be the theme for his birthday this year. I won't lie, I have always been a TMNT fan myself and have loved this phase.

We rented a party room at a local hotel and had most of our family in attendance. Everyone had a blast and Wyatt loved being the center of attention. Be forewarned that most of this post will be photos...

My mom was a cake decorator on the side as we were growing up. The best part of every birthday was waking up to see the amazing cake she worked on into the wee hours of the morning. It was a tradition that still holds a very special place in my heart and I wanted to carry that on to Wyatt. Now, I don't have near the talent of my mom, but I have made all of Wyatt's cakes myself, thus far. I hope it becomes a special memory for him as he grows older too.

 I found the photo prop idea on Pinterest (of course). This was such a huge hit! Even Wyatt's Great Grandparents jumped in for the photo fun. (Note: I try not to include many pictures of other's without their permission on the blog, but you get the idea from the three of us).

 Toxic Ooze, because, well... you can't become a Ninja Turtle without it. We also had other drink selections, salads, chips and TMNT jello. Plus the obvious... Pizza.

More Pinterest finds! The wall hangings were super easy and I plan to save them and hang in Wyatt's room. I searched everywhere for a wooden 3 to paint for the table, and could.not. find one. So I settled for a W. Which I decided was probably a better find because it can also be used in his room decor.

I'm pretty sure that our house is now stalked with every possible TMNT merchandise available and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh, and can't forget his cupcakes for daycare:

I always struggle to find words to describe Wyatt and express my love for him. Guess that's just part of being a mother, right? I am constantly amazed at the little person he is becoming. He is quick as a whip, with the greatest sense of humor. He's adventurous, fearless, creative, and hard headed with a heart of gold. I am so blessed to be his mommy!

Remember Me?

 Well, hello there. Remember me?

Someday I will get back to blogland, hopefully sooner rather than later. I'm just stopping by to update quickly.

Where have I been? Well, sick... of course. Wyatt and I have both been pretty miserable for well over a month. Luckily, his birthday week was a bearable type of sick, (I'll have birthday post when I feel up to it) and then shit just hit the fan.

Long story short, I finally got back into an ENT on Tuesday for the first time since my sinus surgery back in 2009. He's in agreement that this is just beyond ridiculous at this point and something bigger must be going on. Uh yeah... I've told about 4 different doctors this for the past year! He did a scope of my nose (one of my least favorite things, might I add). The good news is, my surgical openings are still there. Thank heavens, because let me tell you, I would go through my week long disastrous labor and c-section with Wyatt 100x before I'd want to do that surgery again. I do have a very severe case of chronic sinusitis, yeah doc, tell me something I don't already know. Basically, it looks so bad in there that oral antibiotics just aren't able to put a dent in it. Which is saying something, since I've been on the strongest antibiotics offered for at home use.

  While I've never been tested for allergies, I've always known I have them. And according to my new doctor, probably a lot of them. He's guessing many are food allergies as well. Allergy testing is going to be necessary at some point in the near future, but first we have to treat what's going on. I was over-nighted some super antibiotic that is only made in Philadelphia. Rather than being an oral antibiotic, like most, this is inserted directly into my sinuses twice a day for 3 months. So much fun.

I also had another CT Scan done to take a closer look at what's going on in there. My doctor was in surgery yesterday, but his office did tell me that I have a deviated septum that wasn't there at the time of my sinus surgery. Deviated septums cause a lot of the problems I've been having. Re-occurring sinus infections, breathing problems, chronic headaches etc... Not all require surgery unless you are having issues such as mine. So, doc should be calling me some time today after he's made the decision if he feels it's necessary or not.

So, that's where I'm at. I've managed a few runs and workouts on the days I've felt semi human. But, that's just all on the back burner at the time being while I try to get me and my kiddo better.

On to Wyatt - he's had several evaluations for non-health related things in the past month. I should be hearing back on that in the next week. In-between all that, he's had 2 more ear infections and throat infections in the past 6 weeks. Wyatt has had close to 20 ear infections in his short little life. Our pedi (whom I love) finally agreed to an ENT referral to discuss the possibility of tubes and tonsil/adenoid removal. His appointment is this coming Monday.

We've been, well... miserable. BUT, now that we are both being seen by specialists I hope and pray that we can get everything figured out and back on our feet.